Musings Vol. 41

Immersing myself in the light
I see a sky that is devoid of shadow, full of happiness and life
Stars shine and show me the way to a brighter future
Sorrow is absent, happiness remains
Shadows find no solace in this world full of light
I close my eyes and i take a deep breath
I feel free
Letting go of sorrow
Letting go of despair,
Memories flow within me
I take the laughter and I take the joy
Leaving the sadness behind
It is but a shadow in a distant memory
I look forward into the horizon
The sun rising, the light shining on the land before me
A bright and hopeful future
It is without doubt, it is without fear that I take a step forward
I do not look back
Love swells within my heart and soul
I persevere
I smile and I cry
This life that I live
It is a challenge
It can be a mystery
But it is not all impossible
All my efforts have come to fruition
All my sadness, all my struggles, they are left behind but not forgotten
I move forward
All these feelings within me are set free
I enjoy life one day at a time
Every precious moment
Every instance, every interaction
Every breath that is taken is precious
I move forward
I catch myself looking back but when i do,
I smile
All I can remember are the happy times
When I look forward I see more happiness
I see a life of joy waiting to be created,
Waiting to be experienced
This life I am happy to live
This life I hold dear
This life I struggled to obtain
This life... that I love...

Musings Vol. 40

Memories hold something dear

Something we do not wish to let go

The emotions run deep and we attach ourselves to that moment

Do you choose to let go or embrace it

To learn from it or erase it

Each moment that passes you by is a memory

You shape those memories with your actions

Will you be bold and go outside of the mold?

Or will you linger in obscurity?

Choice

Do you adhere to self defeat?

Or do you choose to conquer all and surpass those before you?

These memories that dwell inside my mind, they shape me

It is a choice to what extent they can mold me

Comprehension of my mind

Comprehension of my memories

Comprehension of the actions that I have taken

They mold themselves into memories

Choice

I choose to go outside the mold

I choose to outshine obscurity

I leave commonality in the shadows

And I strive to shape better memories

I will not falter

I will not fail

I will persevere in this fight

The fight for a better tomorrow

A tomorrow that holds memories with no regret…

Musings Vol. 39

Magnificent was the lie you told me yesterday
Hurtful is the truth I learned of today
Ballads of love you sang to me
Cries of despair you scream at me
Hollow is the inside of the love you gave me
Forsaken was the hand that I held close to me
Battered and torn
Tossed and worn
This heart of mine will not recover
Hence forth I seek….
I seek retribution
I seek a means to justify the end
I seek a bandage to cover this wound
It is deep within me
I feel a touch caressing my skin
It stops as it feels my scar
I then think back to that moment
The moment in where it all fell apart
That moment in which I knew it was over
It was in that moment… I gave up on love…

Life Vol. 60

I can’t believe how much has happened this year. It seems my struggles are getting harder but I do not give up. I left so many things untaken care of and they are all piling up, one by one drowning me…

We can all see our future ahead of us because of the choices that we make. If you decide to do something, you will know the outcome. Although there is unpredictability that plays a factor, mostly everything can be foreseen.

Now I’m sitting here on the verge of a BIG change and many choices will have to be made. Things will be revealed and relationships will change, I know that for a fact. There is nothing I can do but hold myself steadfast as I make the choices that are in front of me now. It’s a scary thing… change… but this change I hope will be for the better.

I am utterly hopeful for the changes that will come but I wish not to get my hopes up TOO high. I hate falling after hoping so much… Although there is uncertainty in the air, I welcome the change. Frankly I’m a little scared and you ask why? Because I will have to make a choice that I have been thinking about for a VERY long time… and I know it’s going to change everything. I do not want to say I want to hope for the best because honestly I don’t know where that choice will take me… it’s one of those things that fall into the category of the unforseen.

I can’t even begin to summarize the events that have happened this year. It was another rollercoaster of ups and downs. As usual though, I am grateful for the people that I have met and the experiences that I take with me. I never regret meeting one single person in my life because I always learn something new from different people. If I feel I’m lucky enough, I will become a better person because of that.

Once again I stand before the brink of a new dawn… once my choices and changes are made, I will write down the year that I knew would change me… 2010 …… I didn’t expect this out of you… but am grateful for what transpired… so far I can’t say it’s over… there is still some time and I feel much more will change… I’m quite frankly looking forward to it :D

Musings Vol. 38

This space before me is bare
There are no markings
There is no sign of life on it
You walk and stand next to me
You look into my eyes and hold my hand
A simple pencil is grasped in your other
You kiss me and say “let’s draw on this world together”
“Let’s leave our mark and create a new beginning”
My body trembles
My skin crawls
As I look into your eyes happiness overtakes me
I shed a tear
As you wipe it away you tell me to not hold back
Make whatever markings you will with me
Make whatever mistakes you will with me
As long as we make them together
We walk on this Earth
We are a soul united
Leaving our story behind for all to see
With each mark that is left
They bear a sign of our growing love
Bearing our hopes
Bearing our aspirations
Bearing our dreams of the future we work to build
I look down at the space before me again
I smile and I cry
The once empty space is now full
It is covered with bright colors
Beautiful images are seen throughout
You embrace me and whisper into my ear
“Look ahead of you”
As I stare into the horizon
Another empty space is before me
“We aren’t done” you said
“There is more happiness for us to experience and create”
You take my hand and we walk forward
I shake in anticipation
You take the pencil in your hand
And as I take mine
We continue to leave our mark on this world…

Musings Vol. 37

Most ambitious and precocious
I swim beneath the crashing waves
I think I am the fastest
I think I am the strongest
I think I am the best
I swim further and I began to realize…
I am not swimming…
I never learned to swim…
I fall farther in to the depths of this sea
They held my dreams
They coveted my aspirations
All falling down along with me
Darker ever still
I scream…
I am enveloped by the water
Filling my lungs
Shutting out my screams…
I reach out for a hand
For some form of help
Hoping that I do not fall farther down
I reach with all my might…
And my hand falls cold…
Deeper and darker these waters become
I do not shut my eyes
The darkness takes me
I am forever blind to the world around me
I keep falling…
With no hope left inside me…

Musings Vol. 36

This road I have walked
It was filled with sorrow
Much joy come and gone
Different paths I could have walked
And I end up here
More choices need to be made
This path I must keep walking
All the branches of this tree
Each a road stretching out into infinity
Each road made by a different choice
Each path will not be known
Every action taken
Every moment laid in thought
Infinite possibilities to one single life
Each direction I have taken has lead me here
I feel I am not grateful for what I have
The people I have met
The moments in my life
They are all treasured
Everything I have I don’t wanna loose

I wish to let go of regret

A fear dwells deep inside my heart
And I wish to let that go
There is something holding me back
And I struggle to look inward
To find what is inside that brings fear
That brings doubt
That makes regret a possibility in my mind
Too strong a hold it has on me

Each day is another chapter in my life
One that I write
With each choice that I make
I carve a path for myself
With each step that I take
I take myself further on this journey
I hold regret to my past but not to the choices I have made
Missed opportunities will not come back
To let go of this sorrow and regret is a challenge
But with coming moments I step into truth
I take another leap without fear into the future
With another choice made to move forward
I hold steadfast to not falter
Each time I move ahead something new comes my way
And I am forever grateful
Each moment is a blessing

The future is mine to make…